Published inJane Austen’s Wastebasket·Jul 12Member-onlyOur Rescue Would Love To Give You a Pet If You Are a Total F*cking NobodyWe’re looking for responsible pet parents, but mostly, people who have no other commitments to anything, anywhere. — Having a pet can add so much value to your life and we’re honored to be part of the journey of welcoming a new pet into your home. However, pet ownership is not easy and to prepare you for this commitment, neither is this process. Please answer the following questions…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inGreener Pastures Magazine·May 12Member-onlyDorian Gray’s Problem With The Age-Defying Paul RuddColor me, “not impressed.” — I, for one, am certainly not jealous of Paul Rudd’s anti-aging prowess. Until Paul Rudd’s secrets are uncovered, (and you know it will be something involving absorbing the souls of Rihanna’s children or sucking the life force from dolphins) I’m left with no choice but to elaborate further on why…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Feb 24Member-onlyHow To Stay Alive After a Car Accident With Lydia TárWe offer these guidelines to survive this brutal encounter. It cannot be emphasized enough that our best advice is to avoid being anywhere, at any time, within a 10-mile radius of the ruthless conductor and seasonal sexual predator Lydia Tár. …Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Feb 8Member-onlyI’m A CEO Who Loves BlackpinkAnd I’m not just saying that to get you back in the office. — Good morning, you enterprising, paradigm-disrupting, corporate warriors! Can you believe Coachella dropped their dope-ass lineup for the 2023 festival the same week we’re having this mandatory company-wide Zoom? What kismet! I am obsessed with this company’s future almost as much as I’m obsessed with Blackpink. They’re a musical headliner at…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inFuck Niches·Nov 21, 2022Member-onlyI’ve Given Up Plastic, but I’ve Also Just Given UpA list of plastic products I’ve stopped using since we’re all gonna die soon anyway. HOUSEHOLD CLEANING PRODUCTS Some of the most toxic things in your home are the cleaning products under your kitchen sink. That’s why I stopped storing them under the sink and started keeping them in my…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Nov 9, 2022Member-onlyDay 4, Election Day!This Tuesday was Super… exhausting. Southern California still really likes to vote on Tuesday. We had a steady stream of voters all day. We only had two short instances where we had a line, but it was far and away the busiest day. We had a handful of new voters…Humor5 min readHumor5 min read
Nov 8, 2022Member-onlyDay 3 as a Poll Worker…The day I learned too much. The polls opened today and apparently, so did our personal lives. If you have a kooky coworker or neighbor and you can’t really pinpoint what their odd thing is, but your gut says, “I bet that person is into some weird stuff,” I’m here…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Nov 7, 2022Member-onlyDay 2 as a Poll Worker…“Mega-flex” is not just me bragging about the time Jennifer Aniston hugged me. Day two at our polling place felt a little more relaxed. We’d had a day to figure out how not to botch democracy by doing the procedures in the right order on the first try. …Elections3 min readElections3 min read
Nov 6, 2022Member-onlyDay 1 as a Poll Worker…The day I turned 10,000 years old. After completing a three-hour online training session, and a three-hour in-person training session, as well as being offered a variety of non-mandatory, but highly encouraged, online supporting training courses, I’ve begun my service as a county election poll worker! (Cue the half-hearted applause.)…Election20224 min readElection20224 min read
Oct 6, 2022Member-onlyI’m Gonna Be a Poll WorkerNot to be confused with a pole worker. Long have I wanted to deal with the general public in a setting that brings up my worst childhood memories. That’s right — I’m going to work in my county as a poll worker. And I’m gonna do it at a chronically…Elections3 min readElections3 min read